Simon Cowell believes his son’s arrival saved his life, “without question.”
“Speaking on the latest episode of The Diary Of A CEO podcast, released on June 10, Cowell, 64, shared how his 10-year-old son saved him during a dark period amid the loss of his parents, Julie and Eric, and his life being consumed by work,” PEOPLE reported on June 10. “Cowell’s father Eric, who his son was named after, died in 1999, while his mother Julie died 16 years later.”
“I think particularly when I lost my mum, I was on a downward spiral at that point,” the AMERICA’S GOT TALENT host said. “I lost everyone, you know, I’ve lost my parents. It’s finality now.”
It sunk in that his material things had no real value, and he tried to distract himself from his depression by working more.
“I was desperately unhappy, I wasn’t particularly enjoying my work and I just thought you know what I’m just going to become a vampire then, and I would work through until 7:00 or 8:00 in the morning,” Cowell said. “I would wake up at 2:00 or 3:00 in the afternoon and I actually got addicted to that kind of lifestyle. I just loved the intensity.”
“It was almost like because of the loss I’d had, I’ve got to find something else to fill it. And it was I’m just going to be a ridiculous workaholic, and I was very successful but I wasn’t happy, I really, really wasn’t happy,” he said.
But then, in 2013, his fiancée became pregnant with their son.
“When I got the call from Lauren, which starts, any call that starts with, ‘Are you sitting down?’ You know what‘s coming next. It was like, ‘Are you sitting down?’ ‘Yes,’ ‘Well,’ and she told me. And yes it did absolutely change, it changed everything in my life. It made me happy again,” Cowell said.
Shortly after Eric’s birth in 2014, Cowell said, “I’m actually happier than I’ve ever been.
“For me, it was perfect because like we were talking earlier about our childhoods, it was brilliant. Fantastic. I remember the first time I watched ‘Jungle Book’ [with him] and I’m looking over and seeing the joy he had watching that movie. It was like, oh my God I remember how I felt when I saw ‘The Jungle Book,’” Cowell said.
When asked if Eric “saved” him, Cowell said, “Without question, without question. I really, really had reached the point where nothing mattered. Even to the point that I almost can’t remember everything from that period.”
Though he had become addicted to his workaholic lifestyle, it was still hard for him to appear as a judge on THE X FACTOR and BRITAIN’S GOT TALENT.
“It hit me so hard, the hardest thing also was being on television as well…I felt like a clown here because I’m dying inside,” he said. “And yet I’ve still got to do what I’m being paid to do as best as I could but I’d put on a ton of weight, I was eating junk, if I had got hit by a bus the following day, well, I’d be dead, but I wasn’t worried about anything like that.”
“The whole time was dark. I can absolutely relate to when people reach the lowest levels you possibly can, where essentially being alive doesn’t matter anymore, because you just go, ‘Well, what have I got to live for?’” Cowell said, holding back tears. “…Not thinking I want to take my own life, but thinking if something terrible happened it wouldn’t bother me, to myself.”
Eric loves to watch AMERICA’S GOT TALENT, where Cowell currently serves as a judge.
“He’s a great barometer,” Cowell said. “I look over to look at him, ‘Is he having a good time?’ And he was having a really good time when he’s up on his seat, excited. [It] is the best thing, because with kids, it’s all unfiltered.”
Cowell previously said his son helped him to be a more empathetic judge.
